Times of transition are frightening for anyone. Consider all the possible transitions involved in leaving high school and going to college: moving to a new city, breaking connections with many old friends, entering a large and formidable new setting, confusion about finding places, the rules of college life, and worries about money.

Likewise, the transition to work can be challenging for American teens. In Europe, apprenticeships help teens transition from full-time school to full-time employment. In the United States, the move from the fun and friendships of high school to the threats and challenges of the workplace can be very intimidating and lonely.

So how can parents help their teens make such transitions? The first step is compassion. Think about the times in your life when you were frightened or worried. Imagine what it may be like for your child. Let your feelings enlarge your understanding of and compassion for your teen.

Second, show your understanding by reflecting any concerns your teen shares. Naturally you do not want to plant fears. But if your teen expresses worries about any part of the new experience, do not merely dismiss it. Dismissing their worries can make teens even more lonely and worried. For example, instead of, "Don't worry about it. You'll be all right. A million other kids have been through this," it is more helpful to say, "You're worried about how you'll fit in? It is overwhelming to go to a new place and make new friends." Taking time to understand what someone feels sends a powerful message of comfort and caring. Understanding helps us feel less alone and less afraid.

Third, normalize the learning process. Research shows that it is helpful to tell teens, "It is normal to make mistakes. You probably will forget some assignments. You might mess up; that is normal. But you can learn from every mistake." When your child knows that mistakes are normal, he or she doesn't feel so stupid when a mistake is made or so dumb when he or she misunderstands an assignment.

Fourth, provide loving support. Write letters, visit, send e-mail, send cookies. Your child may not write back or acknowledge your support, but don't be discouraged. In ways that are helpful to your child, send the message that you are supportive. If your child talks of quitting, encourage him or her to give it a reasonable amount of time. Don't panic if your child insists on taking some time off. Help your child solve any problems that arise. Invite your child to tell you about things he has learned or friends she has made.

Make the message of your love very clear.

Fifth, help your teen find balance in his or her new life. When you visit or talk on the phone, ask, "Have you worked out a study schedule? Have you made time for fun? Do you find time for exercise? Are you eating well?" Don't overload your teen with questions, but be available to help solve problems. You may be able to help your teen stay sharp and balanced.

Since your teen is increasingly seeing himself or herself as an adult, you can help celebrate new adult roles. Let him or her tell you about best experiences, growth experiences, and aspirations. Support these.

This is a time when the good things you do for your child will pay off. Every child has struggles, but your support will help your child move into adult life as a responsible, productive, and caring human being.

©FranklinCovey. All rights reserved.

As teenagers try out their ideas on family members, they may sound very confident. If challenged, they may be very defensive. This can be irritating if we do not understand them. If we see a teenager as a relatively inexperienced person struggling to become an adult, we can be more patient and supportive.

Haim Ginott, one of the world's greatest psychologists, tells that it is common, when our teens get in trouble, to take sides against them. He suggests that they need an advocate, someone who will understand their situation and help them. We do not condone misbehavior, but "in the most difficult situations [the parent] tries to see the extenuating circumstances and to provide aid and hope."

It may help us to remember back when we were teens. Most of us felt very lonely and clumsy at times. If we were lucky, we had people who were patient with us, who loved us, who saw past the weaknesses. Sometimes teens will make outlandish statements with bold bravado. "The problem with our country is ..." It is very tempting to react to their arrogance and to their misinformation. If we understand them, we react in a different way. "I'm glad you are taking an interest in our country. What things might help us do better?"

Sometimes teens demand freedom to do foolish things. Again, it is easy to criticize them, but growth starts with understanding. "It would be fun to go to the lake for the weekend with your friends." "You are a person who likes adventure."

Understanding is not the same thing as agreement. We can understand their enthusiasm and still resist the conclusion. "What concerns do you have about the trip?" We can also start creative cooperation with our teens when we use the right words and attitude: "It would be fun for you to go to the lake with your friends. I have some concerns. Let's talk about them and see if we can find some solutions."

It is popular to portray the teen years as a time of storm and strife. The reality is that there are bumps and jars in the process of growing up but, when we are patient and understanding, the teen years can be a time of growth and closeness unlike anything that came before.

©FranklinCovey. All rights reserved.

Are you struggling to make changes or respond to changing conditions? I know many people right now are being forced to change the way they work or live because of our turbulent environment. What we might all consider in these times is what the great historian Arnold Toynbee once said:

Nothing fails like success.

What does that mean exactly? Well, if you consider the challenges you’re facing, you might just be using an old approach that isn’t equal to the challenge. In other words, when we have a challenge and the response is equal to the challenge, that’s called success. But once we have a new challenge, the old, once successful response no longer works. That’s why it’s called a failure.

We have to examine our paradigms (our view of things), our tools, our skills to determine if we’re approaching the problem in the right way. As a first step, we may even step back and make sure we’ve correctly defined the problem. Then we need to see if, based on the evidence of results or lack of results, if we need a new approach.

As you ponder your challenges, consider if you need a new mindset, a new skillset or toolset. You may need to adjust your view, try a different perspective or a new way to think about it. Then you may need to acquire some new skills or tools to tackle the problem. What ever the case, you may need to find a new model to drive success. This can be an exciting proposition because you will most likely find new growth and development in the process—this is success!

Remember: nothing fails like success. Be vigilant and be ready to continually learn and adapt to new challenges, which will surely come your way.

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